My posting blitz continues…as is sometimes the case with starting a new blog, one has a lot of built up things to say.
I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life…still not as much as other people and I’m not exactly a child of the third world who really have a right to complain about happenings in their lives. But, regardless, I’ve been through a lot. I have bipolar disorder, Crohn’s Disease, asthma and I suck at math…well, the last one isn’t as important, but the others were quite debilitating. I’ve been hospitalized for not being able to breath, being in extreme physical pain and for being out of my mind.
And the last two happened just in the mid-2000s.
I’m a lot better now mind you…my mind is quite stable, minus the occasional symptoms which can’t be cured, I can largely breathe just fine and I had surgery which took the horrible pain away and put the disease in (probably temporary) remission. But one thing I noticed today while sitting in a coffee shop in my town by myself is that I haven’t had any crises in awhile…and it doesn’t feel right! In other words, I became so used to bad things happening, I don’t know what to do with myself now that I’ve conquered them all. I will (finally) graduate from college at the end of this year after being behind because of my countless health problems. I have a loving fiance I will marry, I may go to graduate school (or at least start a career). Things are going well and it feels strange.
Don’t get me wrong, there are still stresses, especially involving money as I’m in poverty by American standards (the computer I’m using is brought to me by financial aid loans lol). But otherwise, things are going well which is why I’m probably even able to devote the mental energy to exploring the nature of my existence on this Earth. I can just tell though that I’m still not quite used to things going right. And so a strange discontent occasionally hits me as I await the next crisis which hasn’t happened. I know I will eventually get used to this state of affairs, as I certainly am glad the crises are a thing of the past (the rapid fire crises at least…hopefully).
Anyone out there have a history of so many problems that they almost expect bad things to happen to them all the time? It’s a stressful state of mind to be in for sure.