Down But Not Out

Decided a late evening post would be good for me. Been feeling kinda blah the past 24hrs. Had a nasty headache slam me today, even napped for 3hrs this evening. I had planned on exercising this evening but that didn’t happen. Right now I’m at a restaurant hanging out with CT trying to do some homework. Got some reading done now that the headache has disappeared but now I’m ready to head home and sleep 😛

Tomorrow, CT and I are planning on traveling to the (relatively) big city an hour away for hangout time since we both have the day off from work and school. It should be a good day. Besides being kinda sick today, life is going pretty well. My mental health was a bit blah yesterday, but I got through it ok and felt better about myself today (minus the stupid headache). Life is definitely a one-day-at-a-time affair for me sometimes, but I am otherwise pretty happy.

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January 26, 2013 Full Moon Ritual

Tonight is the Full Moon and with that comes my first Full Moon Ritual. You read about the January 11th New Moon Ritual. Today for me is a day of spiritual reflection, of which this blog is a part of that process. Specifically reflecting upon my goal made on the day of new Moon. Here was my goal:

My goal is to give a positive blessing prayer to one person every day through the next Full Moon Day. This one person will be a non-family member.

I successfully fulfilled my goal, praying for someone every day. This included acquaintances, co-workers, even some of you out there who follow this blog. I found it very fulfilling spiritually, I felt like I was giving attention and positive energy to people who may have very well needed it. In one case, a prayer was clearly answered. It helped me feel connected to other people beyond simply being physically present with them. I felt like a spiritual being, connected with God and Goddess as well. These prayers for people, whether family, friend or stranger is something I’ll definitely continue beyond the end of this lunar cycle. Prayer is a powerful and wondrous thing. I’ll definitely make use of it more to connect with people and the Universe.

The New Moon I fasted…for the Full Moon, I think indulging myself to celebrate life is good for balance. Tonight, I’ll be hanging out with CT and our co-worker who received a new job, plus others. Should be a fun evening 🙂

Life Update Time…and other tidbits

Life is going pretty well. At least I have nothing really to complain about. School is off to a good start, the weather is very cold, but tolerable (no more snowstorms at least) and overall I feel like life is going the direction I want it to go. Prayer, meditation and setting goals for myself have really calm anxieties and bring about more internal peace. I don’t think it’s so much that the world around me has changed, but more I’ve changed how I perceive the world and how I deal with issues facing me in the world. And in doing so, I attract what I need out of life and push away what I don’t need. It’s a good feeling of quiet confidence that drives me now. I woke up to the rising sun this morning, quietly in my mind gave my morning prayer to God and Goddess, got up and felt prepared to take on the day. Homework, lunch, work, dinner, more studies…I can handle that. It helps now that I have a part-time job related to my career field that I feel good about going to everyday now (a prayer answered). The otherwise mundane life now feels, less mundane and more exciting. I mean, what’s more exciting than realizing that you’re on planet Earth, you’re living, you’re participating in civilization and can make something of yourself? I never forget how blessed I am to live where I live and have the opportunities that I have. Although, I would hope no matter where I could’ve been born and ended up, I could somehow contribute something positive to myself and others.

I thought I’d share this video with you guys. I really like this chica…she’s a model who’s also Pagan and lives in Britain. She does lots of Youtube videos, including videos on Witchcraft, Wicca and Paganism. Plus, she’s just damn charming. In this video, she talks about spiritual slumps which is very fascinating.

I’ve always had a fair amount in common with Paganism since high school (polytheism, recognition of seasonal and lunar cycles, the oneness of deity and nature). Although, I still have some connections with Christianity (celebration of Christmas and Easter, the influence of Christian thinking via family and the Bible…granted, I haven’t read much of the Bible in years). At the end of the day, I don’t really give myself an identifier, although I’m probably much closer to some type of eclectic Paganism than Christianity.

(Alert: Includes mature content of a sexual nature. Reader discretion is advised)

Last night, I made love with CT for the first time in 5 days. We hadn’t done so because she, like so many people lately was unfortunate enough to catch the nasty flu bug which was been going strong this year. It was so bad, we actually slept in separate rooms so as to avoid my exposure to it (we’ll see if I still catch it lol). But last night, she was feeling up to it, so we decided to make love. CT likes to tell me that it feels just a little different every time, but it felt quite different to me last night. There was an extra rush of energy, an extra need and desire for closeness, just something extra which I think came from the fact that (for us anyways) a lot of time had passed between sexual encounters. Of course, I felt completely merged and one with her at the height of the experience and that’s when I realized how much I’d missed her in that way. I’ll always be amazed by the powerful energy and spiritual connection sex brings with it. Makes me appreciate it as a true expression of love. I’ve had sex just for the sake of pleasure before and while it was physically enjoyable, emotionally and spiritually, the contrast is like night vs. day in terms of satisfaction. In fact, I always like I was missing something. Nowadays, I don’t think I could ever go back to having sex that way after having experienced sex as a spiritual act of love. It’s the act of God and Goddess becoming one, the act which conceived the Universe. It’s beautiful and so much more satisfying when not just body, but the mind and spirit are a part of it as well.

Couple Making Love

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January 11, 2013 New Moon Ritual – Postscript

First off, I want to thank everyone for the support today via all the likes on my previous post. It was really nice to come home this evening from work and see so many people were interested in what I was doing as part of my spiritual growth. I’ve jumped in head first into my practices more than I ever have in my life, with a feeling of complete freedom and acceptance from the person I love and it’s working out to my benefit. So here is how my day went:

-The fast was successful! It was hard, but successful. I had a cup of oatmeal early in the morning and went without food for 12hrs while I conducted my day. I started feeling the hunger pains around lunch time and it got pretty bad around 2-4pm, during my first couple hours at work. It didn’t help I work in a freaking grocery store bakery, where I am around bread, cookies and donuts. But, I ignored the urges to eat. And all I did was skip lunch and a snack and my body wasn’t a happy camper. But when I finally got home from work and had a turkey burger, veggie burger and chocolate chip cookie, I really appreciated food on a whole different level. Imagine not knowing when you’ll eat again or choosing between food and something else you need to maintain yourself? It was an uncomfortable experience, but I definitely got what I wanted out of it…a feeling of being blessed to have the food I have available to me. Thank God and Goddess for the food they provide to the world! And let’s pray for those who have less than us and to the end of hunger around world. Obviously the forces which drive hunger issues (politics, agriculture, climate issues) are beyond my single ability to change…but I believe in the power of intention and spiritual energy. And if we can work together and tweak the flow of things in the favor of better lives for those in need, just maybe improvements to the forces which do drive things in the material world will occur. And doing things like donating money to a relieve organization or even giving food to a hungry homeless person in America to back up your prayer is better than nothing at all.

For those curious, this isn’t the first time I’ve fasted or even the longest time I’ve had to fast (I’ve had to do it for 24hrs+ for medical procedures…now that sucks). But this is the first time I did it for religious purposes. No pain, no gain as they say.

-I prayed for the health and success of two people today. One was a coworker at my bakery and another was an employee at the coffee shop I go too who is always pleasant to me and CT when we go there.

-CT said she was proud of what I did today. I was happy to hear that 🙂

Overall, today was a good day. Still the usual stresses (money and health came up today, as usual), but I don’t have a lot to complain about compared to other people. I’m loved by CT, my family, God and Goddess and have already made connections with you guys. I’m looking forward to another day…with lunch!

My Promise

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A random thing I thought to share. I took this picture a few days ago while traveling with CT to the river where I took those pictures for the previous picture post. Excuse the dry hand, the cold air does that to me in the winter time. Anyways, that is my promise ring. It was given to me by CT back in 2011 after I gave her a promise ring. It’s a promise to marry her one day, which I have partially brought us to the path of by proposing to her on July 5, 2012 (and in front of that very same previously mentioned river). I like the pattern of my ring…there is something almost mystical about it. I where it almost everyday and it reminds me of my special connection with CT in my life. Except for maybe at work (because of my hands-on job), I otherwise wear it all the time.

God and Goddess work In Mysterious and Wondrous Ways

So I have to say life is definitely feeling a bit brighter for me for the first time in awhile. Or maybe I’m just appreciating it all better. Whatever it is, I’m loving it. School is started back up this week and I’m making it a goal to get straight As this semester. My prayers were answered and a job opportunity opened up which will expand my knowledge for my field of choice and make me more money overall. My love and spiritual life with CT has continued to grow and I feel more in-tune with the Universe as well as myself. I’m waiting for the ball to drop and for something to go wrong lol…I’m sure some curve ball will get thrown at me at some point, as the Universe is fundamentally about balance between forces and you cannot have the good without the bad. But, at least right now I feel more capable of handling it than I did before.

I guess the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that my fears about my future have dropped off significantly ever since jumping head first into my faith practices. I no longer fear my future because I know I’m in control of it with guidance from a higher power. It’s very empowering and liberating at the same time. I know with prayer and the power of intention I can accomplish anything as long as I stay true to myself. I’m happy to have CT along for the ride as it makes it all the more worth while. We’ll graduate together in December and I may attend graduate school next year. Meanwhile, she wishes to conceive a child with me later this year. I can tell I’ve reached a certain level of love and intimacy with her as I now wish to not only make love with her for pleasure and spiritual unity, but for the creation of another life we can love together. I believe the Universe itself was created in such an act of unity between God and Goddess and I would love to do the same with CT on our own human level.

For final words for this post, I ask all of you to do one thing…look at your significant other, or outside at the beautiful sky and clouds or at the mountains or body of water out your window or your child or what or whoever you want…and just be mesmerized. This is the beauty of life on the pale blue dot out in the cosmic middle of nowhere we call Earth. I’m learning this lesson now while I’m still young gladly…and that is to enjoy what you can get out of life no matter what your circumstances are. (As far as I believe anyways), you only get one life. Enjoy it and saturate yourself in it.

Tuesday Evening Musings – Life Update, Working with Spiritual Energy, and More

School is starting this week for me as my 2nd to final semester as an undergraduate begins. The past several days have been eye-opening for me, connecting with myself and the world in a ways I haven’t in a long time. Today I did my usual daily coffee shop routine, listening to a couple Catholics nearby discuss religion, some kids having fun with their parents nearby and otherwise loud chattiness. And of course, I have CT with me being her silly self as usual.

Spiritual Energy (Alert: Includes mature content of a sexual nature. Reader discretion is advised)

I believe in the power of intention and prayer. I’ve worked with spiritual energy in my life to bring people and things into my life when I needed them and the Universe thought I was ready for them. I believe having CT in my life is a product of that intention. I released the seed of that goal to have a special someone in my life a long time ago and she came into my life at the perfect time; when I was mentally and emotionally ready for a long-term relationship and when was mature enough to appreciate it. And just today, I had an opportunity fall into my lap that is an answer to previous prayers and energy workings and will expand my career goals and horizons.

One energy I’ve used extensively in my spiritual workings is sexual energy. It’s acute, intense and powerful. The act of sex itself brings your consciousness to a different, unique level. When used for focused intention, I’ve found it can achieve powerful results in my life. Last night, I focused on a particular goal I wished to bring into our lives, while I sat legs crossed in front of CT who was doing the same, with us touching and fondling each other. We could feel our energies moving across each other back and forth in an ebb and flow (she also told me, she wanted to be connected and ‘one with me’ which made me happy). While making love, I imagined our energy building up within us like a generator. As the intense pleasure turned into orgasm, I imagined the release of an intense jet of energy out of us, through the ceiling and out into the Universe, to the goal I wished to achieve. Sometimes my goals are specific, sometimes they are general, it all depends on my needs for my life. But even in energy working, I always remember the power and motivation comes from God and Goddess, something above and beyond myself and that the intention is always good and for the betterment of myself or others and not at the expense of others.

Self-Esteem

I love CT very much, but it always pains me when I see her beat up on herself. She’s a bigger, thicker lady. She’s had issues with her weight for quite some years now (some of it because of self-esteem issues, some because of medication). I always compliment her on how pretty she is (cuz she is), but sometimes none of the compliments in the world matter when your own mind is your greatest enemy. Still, she says the compliments help and everything from those compliments to my sexual desire for her helps her feel better about herself as a woman even if she falls into the dumps sometime. She’s my sweetie and my Goddess and I would do anything to please her and make her happy. I hope for a better quality of life for the both of us together. On her weight, she’s committing herself to getting back into a major daily workout regiment and caloric restriction tomorrow. Since I’m overweight as well (lighter than CT, but far from optimal), I’m going to commit to the same as being on same wavelength tends to help both of us function better. The God and Goddess declared to me to treat my body as a temple. Keep it clean and healthy…so I can stand to do a better job at following such a creed.